I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
