Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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