Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
