Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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