Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
