No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
