I'm passing your future prison.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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