If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
