and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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