its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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