Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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