So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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