the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
