I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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