This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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