Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize