Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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