Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
