I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
