I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
