i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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