things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
