Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
