For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
