I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
