i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
