i jhust puked up my retainher.
She is in my trunk
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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