I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
