I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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