Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
