is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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