i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
love makes seman taste better
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
