I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
