Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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