On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
