Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
