Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
