He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
