the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
