How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
