I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
