I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
