So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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