Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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