Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
