I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
