It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
