im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
