I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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