i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
The air taste purple.
Randomize
