You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
