Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
