I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
