lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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