Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
