I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
