So drunk its hurt
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
just found out that she named her cat after me.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
