Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
