Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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