wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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