Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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