he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
im on a boat
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