I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
