Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
oh god the rape fog is back!
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Everclear isn't food dammit
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
