honey bunches of taint.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
