yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
