You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
