Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
