I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
