Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
