guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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